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John MacLeod
Credit Reports Is Us, how may we ruin your day? Please consider the following before proceeding any farther. Our staff is highly eddycated and don't make no make mistakes in their cipherings. If you have some false belief that an error has been made, in your report, please refer back to the preceeding statement. If you still believe that an error has been made we will consider you delusional and will treat you with all the disdain we can muster. However, by federal mandate we are required to allow you to make a feeble attempt to correct a non-error. As you navigate our phone menu keep in mind that you are shoveling sand against the tide.
Press #1 if you have ever run with sissors...................................minus 10
Press #2 if you have ever littered................................................minus 20
Press #3 if you have ever exceeded the speed limit....................minus 30
Press #4 if you have ever told a fib.............................................minus 40
Press #5 if you have ever got less that 100% on a test..............minus 50
Press #6 if you have ever overeaten at Thanksgiving.................minus 60
Press #7 if you have ever worn white before Memorial Day........minus 70
Press #8 if you have ever put a recyclable in the trash...............minus 80
Press #9 if you have ever spoke ill of Credit Reports Is Us.........minus 300
Press #0 if you want to speak one of our representatives..........minus 500
Hello..........This is Barney Fife.........
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